Spend just five seconds behind the wheel of Chevy’s new supercharged Cobalt SS and you’ll be wearing your ball cap backwards, singing along with the Goo Goo Dolls, and calling everyone “dude.”

This two-door rocketship is Xbox and PlayStation2 rolled into one tire-squealin’, torque-steerin’, red-linin’ whole ball of fast ’n furious fun. It’s the kind of car that should have a sticker on the dash suggesting “Drink Two Red Bulls Before Driving.” Or the name of a good psycho-analyst to council you for the inevitable teenage angst that driving the SS will create.

Trouble is, the target teen buyer has a better chance of getting insured for a Nikonov AN-94 assault rifle than for this 205-hp projectile. And unless they’re working at the Krispy Kreme 24/7 and have a crystal meth delivery service, chances are that even the lowly $21,995 sticker will be out of reach.

Which makes this blown Chevy the perfect mid-life crisis toy for us gray-hairs who can’t quite stretch to a C6 ’Vette, or think a Hummer H2 on 24s with spinners is a little too subtle.

The guts of the Cobalt SS are what matter here, rather than the car’s pubescent ‘Hey, look at me’ F-16 fighter jet rear wing, fancy 18-inch rims, and sunburned-tourist-red paintwork.

The motor is based on GM’s free-spinning, lightweight Ecotec 2.0-liter twin-cam 16-valve four-banger that’s been heavily massaged by the petrolheads at GM’s Performance Division. Bolted to it is an Eaton M62 Roots-type supercharger coupled to an air-to-water intercooler. Blowing at 12 psi, it increases the ponies to 205hp at 5600rpm and delivers 200 lb-ft of twist at 4400rpm.

Internally, the motor gets all the right go-faster hardware; a forged steel crank, sodium-filled exhaust valves, oil-jet cooling for the pistons and a separate oil cooler.

Light the fuse, stomp on the gas and the Cobalt rips from rest to 60 in an impressive 5.9 seconds and spears through the quarter-mile in under 14 seconds.

It’s a peach of a motor. Its featherweight flywheel lets the revs zing to the 6500rpm red-line with Black & Decker smoothness, while the robust internals allow them to stay there without the motor sounding like it’s about replicate Hiroshima circa. August 1945.

And the beauty here is the bucketfuls of torque the little four-cylinder cranks out. Even in fifth from walking pace, the motor will pull like an Amtrak loco.

The motor’s mated to a 5-speed manual transmission that’s the same unit Saab fits to its 9-3. Chevy shortened the shifter throws by four inches to give a sportier feel and it’s better for it. While it’s nowhere near as sweet as the 6-speeder that Acura fits to its RSX, it’s still pretty good.

Now, even a third-grade student with the technical expertise of an ant will tell you that 200 lb-ft of torque and front-wheel drive is a recipe for torque-steer hell. Which is why the SS is offered with that doyen of the tuner market, a Quaife limited-slip diff. Sadly it’s a $1,500 option, though it’s part of a performance package that includes Recaro front bucket seats. But no Cobalt should be unleashed without it.

Quaife-equipped, the coupe-bodied SS is one of the finest handling small cars out there. Period. The diff works in tandem with a modified suspension setup that’s been honed at no less a place than the tortuous Nurburgring track in Germany.

Added to the standard Cobalt setup are stiffer springs, a wrist-thick front anti-roll bar, unique valving for the struts, and bigger brakes with performance linings. The standard electric-assist rack and pinion steering was also recalibrated to keep effort low and precision high.

Tight, fast curves are best tackled with the slow-in, fast-out approach, otherwise tire-wailing understeer is the order of the day. But the all-disc setup allows you to brake way-late into the corner, then it’s simply a matter of getting back on the gas and letting the oodles of torque fire you out. It’s a barrel-load of fun.

And with 215/54-section Pirelli PZero rubberware at each corner, mounted on extremely cool-looking 18-inch rims, there’s no shortage of grip.

Low-profile tires and tight, taut suspension don’t usually provide a smooth ride. But the Cobalt won’t loosen your dentalwork when the blacktop gets brittle. Yes, the ride is firm but never uncomfortable.

Inside, the cabin is a mix of the good, bad and the ugly. But it’s mostly good. Like the salami-thick steering wheel with its useful spoke-mounted controls. Ditto the easy-to-read, pizza-sized dials with their upscale chrome rings.
And you’ll love watching the boost gauge on the left A-pillar twitch in time with the blower.

Full marks too for including a stereo system that wouldn’t sound out of place at your local rave. Crank up the watts and the pulsating, trunk-mounted Pioneer sub-woofer can actually re-froth a Starbucks cappuccino.

But some of the plastics feel as hard and brittle as a cafeteria dinner tray, and just as visually appealing. And the optional two-tone leather, where the door panels and seat centers mimic the body color, is about as subtle as Courtney Love.

As for that trunk-mounted rear wing, you could lose sight of a Mack truck back there. I spent every driving moment terrified that the black blob masked by the wing was a police cruiser about to light up. Memo to Chevy: make it a delete option, or offer free bail money.

And for a $22-grand car, it’s cheap beyond belief not to fit a remote-release fuel flap to protect your tankful of unleaded. Or a 50-cent lock for the glove box.

That said, there’s a whole lot to love about this hi-po Chevy. Next to the ’Vette, I reckon it’s the most fun-driving GM product out there. Yes, you’ve got to spend around $24-grand to spec it the way you’d want, but even then it still offers a lot of a bang for your buck.

Just skip the Goo Goo Dolls tunes. They’re just so last year. Dude.

(this article was taken from speedtv.com and written by Howard Walker)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 27th, 2005 at 9:56 am and is filed under Miscellaneous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.